Motion to officially change The Walk of Shame to The Stride of Pride I would think that formally submitting a proposal to have the “Walk of Shame” abolished and from now on be known as the “Stride of Pride” would be a great justice in the quest for banter reform. The reason being, why is it shameful? I firmly believe the people who call it shameful are merely green eyed monsters, jealous that no loving came their way the night previously. These people are determined to slap that look of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction off the faces of these individuals. It is wrong. Although I am not accustomed to this particular situation, I know had I been suffering a dry patch in that department, made my way into Coppers one night and managed to get the shift, I would leave the house of my dangerous liaison the next morning fist pumping to Katy Perry’s firework, so delighted at my previous nights conquest. If I was still a little tipsy I would probably even front dive on the lawn mimicking a footballers momentous GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLL! Ball in the net! I have scored, and all you suckers should know! Ok, That’s probably a little dramatic, I probably would not be that theatrical. I think a rare few can compete with the theatrics of a footballer, but I would hold my head up high and walk down that street.
There are other contributing factors which can make the “stride” seem impossible and only the shameful “walk” can be conjured up. It is something only women suffer. The mini skirt and heals combo. Girls it never looks pretty unless it is dark and is most definitely unattractive in “Walk of Shame” rush hour, which just so happens to coincide with actual morning rush hour. What can be done to rectify this? Leggings in the bag, they fit under any dress and cover the tan streaked legs. Each streak a reminder of how many you actually had the night before. A toothbrush, no matter how horrible you feel, brushing your teeth will make you feel better, smell better and inevitably look better. Yes, You look better with brushed teeth. Removal of the “panda eyes”. One of the biggest tell tale signs. Mascara under the eye, Not pretty. Anywhere. Morning light is the most unfavourable, remember? Girls, these three tips will be your lifesaver, and they are simple. If more girls did this, there is much more of a likelihood of this motion actually coming to pass. Boys, well I don’t really know? Boys always have the stride of pride face after a sexual encounter. I actually think some even fist pump victoriously. I think it’s the hangover head that gives it away in the case of men. What can be done to rectify this? Take some Berocca with you or any form of dissolvable vitamin, rhat will give a freshened up look to the face. Cold water on the eyes to reduce red puffiness, clear eyes will reduce the risk of in depth anti banterous quizzing by roommates, parents, friends etc. Allowing you time to ride through “the Fear” in the safety of your room, alone, in the corner, in the dark, alone. So there we have it, my proposal on how we should no longer hear that dreadful term, no longer shall post coppers encounters be known as shameful. It is a beautiful thing entailing banter for all parties involved. Say is with me! Striding with pride after getting the ride!
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